Hello, 1:30 AM.

If this is a preview of the semester, count me out.

Today I got home from school at 5.

I started my homework at 11:30.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened during those 6.5 hours. The lost hours, I am calling them in my head.

I took a night nap. I took a bath. I ate cookies and milk. I wrote in my journal. I texted. A lot. I debated the finale of the Harry Potter series. I quoted all the best Tobias Funke lines I could think of. I sat in my bed doing nothing but stewing in my own confusion and lack of motivation. A LOT. I moaned and I complained. I blog stalked. I facebook browsed. I thought. And I rethought. I allowed my heart to break for him, and to ache for me. I gave myself up as a lost cause. I set my alarm for 4 am. I rethought. Again. I took another night nap. I begrudgingly got to work, because what else could I do.

So now my alarm is set for 6:30, because I didn't finish everything. I don't like myself very much right now, but I will absolutely loathe myself in 5 painfully short hours.

Sometimes, I don't know how I do it. I don't know how I can be wrong almost every single time. How many nights like this do I need to have before I learn to suck it up and get to work.

Apparently more than this, because I am writing in here instead of sleeping or working.

I wonder what it is like to live in your world.

Living in mine almost never makes sense.