Epiphanies and Promises

Michael and Tommy went back to school this week. I haven’t really stopped thinking about it since I woke up Monday morning to find the house empty, everyone gone away to start their new lives, lives which will dominate the next 9 months of the year. In the past “back-to-school” has consistently been one of my favorite times of the year because there are a few things I love which coincide with the beginning of a new school year.

1. I love school supplies. I am not going to try to explain why crisp white paper and unsharpened pencils, all stacked neatly next to each other and then placed carefully into an equally clean backpack, make me all giddy inside. But they do.

2. I love fall. And I know what you might be thinking; Arizona never gets a proper autumn. This is sadly the case. But at least if the temperatures aren’t going to drop for months to come, at least we can pretend fall is coming on the calendar. My birthday and Halloween loom on the horizon and I can think happily about corn mazes and orange leaves and pumpkins and sweaters. I can pretend fall is coming while the entire state waits for the mercury in the thermometers to go down. The end of these days plagued by insufferable heat is coming. At least in theory.

3. I love rain, and early August is always when the monsoon picks up. Enough said.

4. I love the idea of Tabula Rosa. A clean slate. The promise of a fresh start. I am a sucker for that kind of thing. There is always the hope of amazing teachers and fabulous classes, new friends and reconnecting with people I have not seen for months. The rose colored glasses usually come off after the first couple of days of school, but it is nice to hope. “The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.” Nicely put Mark Twain.

With all of these beautiful reasons to be happy that my summer is speeding to an end, then, I must wonder why I am in such a funk about the idea of school starting. And I think I finally figured out why. The other day I was talking to my mom and all of the sudden I blurt out “I hate college.”

I hate college?

It has never come out quite like that before. But I realized once I said it that it was undeniably the truth.

I hate college.

Last year was anything but fun for me. Most of my classes were miserable. I was homesick and hating Tucson the majority of the time. I was missing people I loved. I was somewhat friendless. I was unhappy. And I hated college.

So here goes another year. One I am not looking forward to at all. But there have been some big changes in my life over the past year; namely, the college I will be attending. That’s probably not a bad place to start fixing things. I have 3 years left of this and I do not want to spend another semester hating something I have always loved. School is my thing, and it is high time I take it back. Hand me the rose colored glasses please.