An Evening with Ally, Noah, Andy & Dwight

I was up late last night (what else is new) getting my room ready for the makeover. I was looking for a way to keep myself distracted and made the mistake of watching the first 20 minutes of The Notebook, the best tear-jerker and arguably the most romantic movie I have ever seen.



I know.

So when I was already tearing up before anything sad had even happened, I decided it was best if I turned it off.

I watched this instead.



I just wasn’t in the mood to cry; so I decided to laugh.

What I Said & What I Meant

Time: 1:15 pm

Setting: My Kitchen; making lunch

Michael: How can you stand to still be in pajamas at this time?

Me: Pajamas are comfortable.

Michael: Yeah, but they make me feel sloppy.

Me: But I am going to work later, so I have plenty of time to be un-sloppy then.

Michael: But I would just feel like I’m not doing anything.

Me: You’re not doing anything; you’re watching TV.

Michael: But if someone came to the door I could answer it.

Me: You never answer the door.

Michael: Well if someone called me and wanted to hang out, I could go.

Pause

Me: Well if someone called me and wanted to hang out, it would not matter anyway because I have to go to work in an hour.



Which, of course, is really just code for; No one is going to call me anyway, so it doesn’t matter how long I wear pajamas.

Don’t tell Michael.

I Wouldn't Bet On It

Zero percent of me thinks this call will actually come.

{Why would it?}

But that doesn’t mean I can’t delay getting out of bed for a few extra minutes and daydream about what would happen if it did.

:)

{Hopefully I look marginally less scary than the little French girl.}

Fearless Heart

I am learning to be fearless.

Or I am trying, anyway, which is something.

A few weeks ago at church I found this scripture:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

And then I looked through my purse and found a scrap of paper with these notations; also scribbled during a church lesson.

“If you have hope you have nothing to fear.”

“Perfect hopes casts out all Fear.”

It is impossible to feel Fear & Love at the same time.

I have some work to do.

On the back of the scrap of paper I made two lists; The Things I Fear & The Things I Hope For.

I have some work to do. I need to perfect my hope.

A few days ago I was looking through a notebook that I used when I was in high school. I carried it to church a lot. I doodled in it, made lists and wrote letters to others and notes to myself. I found song lyrics and quotes from books, sketches of prom dresses and birthday wish lists. I also found a list of things I wanted for the Summer of 2008. Most of them never happened, and one or two of the wishes were seriously misguided, but the very first things on my lists reads “never make a decision based on fear.”

Huh.

Is it possible that I was smarter a year ago than I am now? That a year in college, living on my own, has actually made me dumber? It’s not altogether impossible, I suppose. Or maybe it’s just that this past year has made me more scared, given me more fear.

My two all time favorite scriptures are about hope and faith and trust in the Lord, and yet I still make decisions based on fear every day of my life.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

But tonight, well tonight was something special, if only just for a second. I was driving down the 202 on my way to Regan’s, window down, road ahead of me empty, music blasting, listening to this song by Steve Earle. I had been a little down when I left for her house but as I cruised down the deserted highway, wind in my hair, I took a deep breath, the earth smelled like rain, and everything was perfect. I took 4 or 5 more deep breaths, wanting to draw out the moment as long as possible. Life felt wonderful; my heart was fearless.

I am learning.

One Week

I accidentally woke up at 6:30 this morning.

I don’t recommend it.

I am still in bed in hopes that a fit of sleepiness will befall me and I will doze off until around 11 or so.

If not, I have no idea what to do with myself this early.

Here we are again. I cannot believe a week has already passed since last Friday. It feels a little unreal. My weekend is still fairly unplanned but I think I am going to spend some time with Regan today! It has been too long since I have seen her and she will be leaving me for Tucson in just one short month. We have a lot of late night “roomie” talks to get in before that time. And as much as I am going to miss her I am so glad I am not going back to Tucson as well. I feel pretty good about ASU; it just keeps getting better with each passing day. That’s something, even if there is still a lot of logistics to figure out. It’ll happen. I’m not too worried.

Other than hanging out with Regan, I have work Saturday and church Sunday. A pretty standard weekend but bound to be better than the last one.

Happy Friday.

Song Of The Day

(Until the 5:00 minute mark.)

Summertime

I am painting my room. Goodbye bright orange and lime green; hello… to-be-decided. I am leaning towards a sort of bluish/green and white combination. In my head it is fabulous. In reality it seems like an awful lot of work, and I’ve been awfully lazy these days. In fact, I think once I have finished painting instead of moving furniture back into my room, I'll just put this in the center.


This morning my mom asked me what my plans for the day were.

“I have a meeting at church at 7 pm.”

That’s it. For the entire day.

Sometimes it is good to be me.

Especially once I install my new addition.

I will lie in my hammock and listen to Billie Holiday while drinking lemonade all day long.

I better hurry up and paint before summer runs away from me.